After helping plan a number of vigil plans I have noticed a theme.
People are afraid they are asking for too much. This is your death. Your family will want to do whatever they can, regardless of the difficulty.
These plans are for those last couple days of your life, when there is nothing left to do but wait, your family will appreciate your planning and have chores to do and clear instructions.
Have you ever sat vigil to a dying person who has had no plan? You sit awkwardly and look at each other. The religious members may sit in silent prayer while the secular members of the gathering are confused about what they should do. There could even be whispered arguments about what should be done, trying to do the right thing and still be respectful, it never is, of course.
Be selfish, let your End of Life Doula lead you to imagine what it will look like, and be selfish about what you want. Don't leave your family to guess. If ever selfishness is a kindness, it is now. Your family will appreciate having clear instructions, having a plan that they can follow without wondering what you might like better. Be specific, know the kind of flowers or candle scents or music. Don't leave your loved ones to wonder what they are supposed to do.
You are so loved in your life that your family will want to provide you exactly what you want as you die. You are important enough that your family will make your requests happen and they will not think that any requests are a burden.
What would you like in your vigil plan that you are afraid to ask for?
My name is Abby, my life has been touched many times by loss and grief. This life has led me to helping others navigate their own grief. I have become a INELDA trained End Of Life Doula and a hospice volunteer. I am not a professional counselor or psychologist and all advice given should be treated as advice from a friend.