Folding Paper Cranes
  • Home
  • Blog
  • Vigil Plans
  • About
  • Contact

The importance of funerals

3/24/2018

4 Comments

 
Picture
I don't like funerals, I can't think of anyone who enjoys them.  Its hard to say goodbye, its hard to face the reality that our loved one is gone. 

I go though.
 
​Whenever its possible, I go, even when its hard, even when its inconvenient to attend.  The harder it is to face the loss of that person the more effort I make to attend.   

​When someone dies, your heart breaks, and in those cracks space is made for the departed's spirit to fill in the space.  Everyone's heart cracks in different ways, family, coworkers, friends etc. until a whole heart is distributed to all the people who loved them.  Think of the pain and grief you feel as your heart expanding to make room for the heart of your loved one taking up residence in your heart.  The closer you were to the deceased, the more space they are taking up in your heart.  

When you go to the services for the departed, all the people who go are there to mourn and to celebrate a life lost.  
​
​Think back to the last funeral you attended.  All the mourners were there to grieve one person, and all had a tiny piece of them in their hearts.  It probably felt like somehow, even though you knew they were gone, that they had just stepped out for a minute.  They forgot something in the car and would be back in just a minute.  When so many parts of their heart come together it can feel like they are present, and complete to say goodbye before their journey.  

​Funerals are meant for closure, to say goodbye.   I know its hard, I know it is the last thing you want to do; to say goodbye forever.   No one wants to face tomorrow without that person in this world, but to move forward you need to bring your broken heart together with all the other broken hearts to start healing.  

​There are times when attending a funeral just can't be done, military deployment, illness or simple distance.  When its possible connect to others who are mourning the same loss, bring your broken hearts together to help start healing.  

​Mourning is not easy, but its necessary to keep living, and keep your loved one alive in your heart.  Grief takes work on your part, it takes acknowledging that the world is different and that you are different because of your loss.  Taking the first step: attending the services for the departed is the hardest step you will take.  

​Have you ever been to a funeral and felt like the departed was present?  What was your experiences? 
4 Comments
Kia
3/25/2018 03:51:39 pm

I don't want a funeral. Just a private cremation and give my ashes to my spouse or children. Save the money that would go to my funeral to donate to a charity that most aligned with my life. Funerals are so wasteful to me, *shrug*

Reply
Abby
3/25/2018 09:54:09 pm

Remember, your funeral isn’t for you, it’s for those who have to wake up tomorrow without you. It’s fine to not want a huge service that costs many thousands of dollars but be sure not to deny your survivors any gathering at all. I used the word funeral here as a catchall for all services. If it’s reserving a private room at Olive Garden for the people who love you to gather or A pot luck at someone’s home, it’s about the living coming to terms with what would be a great loss.

Reply
Cindy CulverGray
3/26/2018 06:58:56 am

Thank you for this beautiful perspective. I would like to share this with my coworkers and staff to help them understand why I feel it’s so important to honor those we support we a Memorial Service. Our individuals don’t always have family , we are their family, Thierry housemates are their family and even if we don’t recognize it st first, the loss leaves us with a hole in our lives that must be acknowledged in the gathering and sharing of stories honoring a life .

Reply
Abby
3/26/2018 04:14:07 pm

Please share away. Your unique population needs special care. Miss you

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    My name is Abby, my life has been touched many times by loss and grief.  This life has led me to helping others navigate their own grief.   I have become a INELDA trained End Of Life Doula and a hospice volunteer.   I am not a professional counselor or psychologist and all advice given should be treated as advice from a friend.  

    Archives

    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    January 2019
    November 2018
    October 2018
    August 2018
    June 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

Site powered by Weebly. Managed by Lunarpages
  • Home
  • Blog
  • Vigil Plans
  • About
  • Contact